Returning to the place of Drowning by Matasha Y. Lee

Returning to the place of drowning by Matasha Y. Lee

I sit at the bottom of the sea
Engulfed with the water
I lose sight of my last breath.
Above the surface is not where I desire
To resign.
My place is here,
Beneath it all
Desiring to swim but I only sit until I lay
And ask myself is this the place
Where I will let it all go
Every hope,
Every dream,
Every chance to see the sun awaken over my head
And the stars smile at me.
Is this it?
I release a tear as if it mattered.
It was within the water.
I release myself to float
After opening my eyes and I could still see.

It has been years since my drowning.
I really, at that moment, wanted to stay within the water.
I wanted to awake on the other side of the sun
And become back part of the stars.
I wanted to feel weariness go away.
I returned to the place of drowning
Not to return my body
But the chains.
I have no need for my past
All of my pages are empty.
A new life has emerged within me.