Monday, October 31, 2016

Transportation 2

Transportation Pt. 2:

2010, I decided that I had enough.

In May, I went in for an interview with multiple managers at a bank inside of a WalMart. I had never considered to be in banking but I wasn't about to turn down the opportunity. It was one of the highest paying jobs that I ever had and I was sure to be able to move out of my mom's house and find a place to stay for my little ones and I. The interview went well and it was my people skills that won them over and helped me to receive the personal banker 1 position and start my training process.

Orientation was in Arlington, and we got paid for it, Thank God, it came with benefits but I was going to have to work for it, I had to catch a ride to get to Arlington but it was somewhat, easy to convince someone because I didn't have to go to Arlington anymore, but who would want too, it was an hour away from where I lived.

The first part of training would be in Carrolton, a 55 minute drive, and even though they were housing people that stayed far and for those driving far, reimbursement on gas, I didn't stay far enough and I didn't have a car for reimbursement. I had to ask a guy friend if I could stay with him just to get back and forth to training. It also meant leaving my kids behind and I had felt that feeling before and it made me very sad because I had left my son to attend school and work in another city, I didn't desire the same pattern of repetition as previous times, especially, because I had never left my daughter before, but I had to think of the opportunity to succeed and have better for them and end this cycle once and for all. He let me have his room and didn't bother me but he was only kind for a week, I had to figure out the next week. While, training, I felt like I belonged and arrived. I felt empowered and things seemed to really be looking up for me.

I had to go back to the place I had escaped from, for a little while, in order to go to training, I hated the feeling that I was back in that place because I had finally got the residue of the stains of being there off me and I didn't have to wake up in hell anymore.   I don't remember staying there long but thank God, I learned how to ride the bus while I was there, before, so, it wouldn't be any problems of asking for a ride.

I had to travel from Terrell to Dallas in order to go to the next part of training and I didn't have a car, mind you, there was no position like this one where I lived. My opportunities had limits and low pay because I didn't have a lot of qualifications except college and retail. Retail didn't pay much and it was very stressful. My focus was to stay as close to fashion as I could but the lack of pay and hours, I was losing sight of my ultimate goal and it seemed far out of reach. I had ask my cousin to take me to work and she didn't mind, kind of, she had to get up really early to take me in the morning and for me to be there on time because at a bank, you had to clock in by a certain time or the system would alert the cops and the heads up, which would look really bad for you. The excuse would be inexcusable, so, early in the morning we rose to take a 35 minute drive to Dallas to begin my training. I felt so small not being able to drive, but I had to focus on the possibility not the circumstance.

Eventually, after a couple weeks of training, they would notice that I needed to be closer because working in Dallas would soon become a burden for me. They moved me to Rockwall and that was what sparked in me the chance to just go for getting my licenses on my own, but not before the issue of transportation would continue. I was asking my cousin, sister and law, and taking public transportation that cost me $14 for one day. They also wasn't getting me there on time, (public transportation), I needed to go to work and arrive on time, instead of picking me up, they arrived an hour later stating that the bus had to be fixed, even though I called ahead of time and scheduled a ride to work. See, this is how our bus system works in Terrell: You must call a day ahead of time between the hours of 8 am to 4 pm, Monday-Friday, in order to receive a ride, and you can schedule a ride, as long as there is an available time, if not, you are screwed. You can't work any evenings or night shifts because they don't run at night, 6 pm is the latest coming from Rockwall. It cost more to go out of town and they only travel to Rockwall County and Kaufman County, maybe another East Texas area. You can go to Dallas for medical reasons but nothing else. As you can see as I said before, limits. The driver that came an hour late and had to drive me 25 to 30 minutes, plus, to Rockwall would attempt to apologize to my manager who was informed that I was late and wasn't able to open the bank in time, resulting in the higher ups being notified and the cops being told not to come down that it was okay. Her apologies wasn't heard and I was written up, no excuses, remember. I had signed a document stating I had reliable transportation but I didn't. My mom would soon teach me a rule that I would never forget, it was better to arrive early and wait, then, to not arrive on time. I had heaped her warning and changed my routine. I went to the donut shop or waited on a bench outside until it was time for work. I also started catching rides with someone who was riding back to Terrell. It all seemed to be okay, until, the weekend, and that is when all hell would break lose again. I needed to be at work and I didn't have a ride, oh, did I mention that the buses didn't run on the weekends. My sister and law wasn't available and my cousin either. I had already been written up and I was tired and very depressed. I didn't want to call with another excuse and get in trouble, so, I called to end my position and boy, was I a wreck, I cried something horrible, and told my manager that I had to quit that I couldn't provide her with more excuses on why I couldn't come in and there was no hope of change in sight. She said I was welcomed back if I needed a job and things changed. I got off the phone with her and lost it, mentally. I remember walking with my daughter, in her stroller, and I just wanted someone to hit me, for a minute, I was not myself. I was beyond tired and I just wanted everything to end. My hopes of moving would soon be tainted with no hope at all. Ending my life, at the time, felt better than staying one more day on earth realizing I was a failure.

I don't remember the amount of my other checks, even though I didn't lack in finances, but my last check I would forever remember because I had never received that much money from working before, and it wasn't for a month, it was over $800 and I was floored. I took my kids and aunt out to eat. It felt awesome because I had never sat down at a restaurant with menus with them before. It felt different and they were happy. It was also the check that would pay for me to go to driver's school. I had enough and I was going to pay my own way to attend, it didn't matter the price. I walked to driver's school, paid for the adult class and at the age of 24, I had just learned that they had changed the law, 18-24 year olds had to take driver's education, the written part, in order to take the driving test. I had arrived on time, and things seemed to be finally be turning around. I passed my exam with flying colors, a 100 on one part and 95 on the other. I was about to receive my licenses, but with restrictions, I still needed to take the driver's part, oh and pay for my licenses, that I wasn't informed about. They didn't offer driver's Ed for adults without cars. They said they could help me with lessons but I needed my own car or someone else's in order to take the test. I had gone a few steps again only to take many back. It didn't matter how many times I wielded my way back up, I was steady being knocked down. It would be another 4 years until I seen that restriction be lifted off my licenses but not before heartache would strike again.

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