I am so afraid to post this video but that is why I am posting it. I don't want to be afraid anymore, so (with my eyes closed) Here is me singing, "I surrender all." Enjoy! I surrender my fear!
Monday, May 18, 2015
"When you are at the brink of destruction; at your most vulnerable and desperate hour and everyone has given-up on you, this is when the stranger appears. The st...ranger arrives when your heart is broken open, ready and believing. The stranger's eye is clear and not stained with your past mistakes. They are the ones who will leave you that hundred dollar tip or unexpectedly offer you a new opportunity. They are the ones who will stop and change your tire on the freeway, or give you a place to stay for a while. She is the one who compassionately looked you in the eye in the store when your abusive partner was yelling at you. Like an angel, he came in at the last moment and gave you the support or the advice you needed. They made the call to a friend and put themselves at risk to open an essential door for you because they saw something amazing in you. The stranger is the one who gave you something that was a much bigger personal sacrifice than you ever knew, because she did it with humility, grace, and with no expectation. The stranger is the one who believed in you when no one else would. The stranger uplifted you with words of hope and optimism when you were at your lowest. The stranger silently suffered to give you room to recover and to try again. The stranger meets you halfway on a bridge called faith. The stranger is coming to make someone's dreams come true. The stranger's hand is appearing out of nowhere and rescuing someone just before they slip over the edge. The stranger's appearance is in perfect time and is a miracle. The stranger could be a real life angel. Have faith and courage, and — BE THE STRANGER."
— Bryant McGill via Facebook Simplyreminders.com
So, today, I posted a post from Simply Reminders that spoke about the stranger. Now, I have had plenty of experiences with the stranger and being the stranger but God created a new experience today. I had needed some oil and I called people that I knew to help, but they couldn’t help me. (Which is okay, I’ve learned a long time ago to pay attention to who God will use. It isn’t always those you expect so you can never get upset with them because you may very well miss out on your blessing and lose a great relationship. God may not always use your income either. Sometimes, he just wants your faith as payment.)
Now, even though I know that God doesn’t always use my income, I still get down and out when I can’t do it myself. I put high expectations on myself, so when I can’t do it, I get down. I worry about things that I can’t change right now, but God. He has an amazing way of helping me see me in my ugly moments. He deals with my attitude, how I’m losing touch with what really matters, he just has this way of helping to get back to focusing on being the best me I can be. He doesn’t desire me to do anymore or any less than my full potential.
So, after my moment of feeling sad, God came in and had someone call me that was so random and ask me can I take them to the store. I informed her I would, but I don’t have any oil. She said she would get me that oil if I can get her to Walmart. I told her we are going to have to pray our way there, and move by faith. I picked her up, and prayed before I left. As soon as I got off the phone the song, “I surrender all,” came on (in my mind) and I started worshipping, and while I was at Walmart God was placing worship songs in my mind. It took everything in me not to just want to stop and worship right in Walmart, but God helped me to pay it forward, not once but three times, and I seen so many smiling faces. He sent me my stranger. He sent what I needed at that very moment.
God had no intentions of going into my wallet or black book to bless me. He wanted to go with the flow of my day and stand on faith. He brought me messages that I have on my wall to help me to stand, even though it seemed dark. Yeah, “I surrender all. I surrender all, all to thee my blessed Savior. I surrender all!”
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Painted Heart by Matasha Lee
Stroke after stroke
Let me take a look at you,
Bright hues of red, and dashes of blue, pink lining, with enough sunshine orange,
With a tint of yellow,
This once was an empty canvas, and I only had black and purple to paint with.
Never had any brights colors to stroke across my canvas,
No life upon the trees I painted,
Only black crows screeching in the sky,
Oh, their screeching was so loud,
It guided my hand to paint a heart,
I couldn't see that heart.
I couldn't see it till it was all said and done.
It wore the stained colors of a bruised heart.
I wished to just wash it all away.
Give me color, give me light,
Change the colors in my life,
Black and purple will no longer do.
I needed to see a different reflection.
I needed inspiration,
What can inspire me,
Four tiny little feet that cry mommy,
Little bitty arms that hug me tight,
Their little bitty heads upon my breast
They have changed the direction of my dark days
Because of them my paint has changed
Awe, beautiful butterflies that fly high in the sky,
Beautiful creatures walking by smiling at me,
You lovely skies of blue and gray, how I welcome you.
Sunny skies shine so bright,
Rain I love to hear your sweet melody.
Sing to me, oh sing,
Trees of green
Wind blow your trumpet.
Life guide my very hands,
This canvas is full of life today,
No more dark, weary days.
Dear Human by Matasha Lee
In shattered pieces I still will form,
There is no amount of pain that I cant endure,
God built me strong,
So, why do you weep and shed a tear,
Don't you know that pain doesn't last always,
Life gives you time to heal,
Hold your head high through the dark clouds that seem to cover your head.
You don't have to let the sorrows of life win again,
I know you feel like you've hurt me too many times before and all you desire to do,
Is to runaway and hide but let me mend your heart.
It isn't for you to protect me,
It is for you to take a chance.
I know you're tired.
You want to run far away,
But don't give up now,
Stay in the fight,
Please endure to the end,
And walk out gracefully
Never let the what ifs of tomorrow stop you from loving again.
I'm here at every heartbreak
I'm here at every tear.
You will soon discover the place you need to be.
You will soon shine again.
Dear Heart by Matasha Lee
I hope I haven't let you down again,
Lately I've been dreaming about Once upon a times,
I know, I shouldn't dream about Forever after
Because I must protect you, guard you from the what ifs of life.
We have been through so much together and I know I've hurt you.
I tried, please forgive me!
I only think that each time I fail I can get up,
When I want to quit, to keep going,
When I'm losing faith to get on my knees and talk to God,
I really thought, this time, it would be different,
I know, I've said it all before.
I've pulled at my heart strings and asked for a sweet sounding melody of the harps playing, but only received the blues.
So, how can you trust me, not to hurt you?
Why would you believe me?
When I leave this letter I will have to get back in motion to repair you, cleanse you, and revive you.
I don't want to lose you in my quest for love,
I must stop and build my wall again.
Heart stitching by Matasha Lee
Where is the needle and the thread
My hands shake at the sight
Find me my sewing machine,
My tears are shedding away
Pick up the pieces that are left
Don't look down
My heart is on the floor,
Don't step on it,
I'm use to this,
I've repaired it before,
So, just give me what I need
Oh, heart look at you,
It is hard to see the lining of the glass of my fragile heart,
Do you think it can be repaired?
I'm quite sure,
But my watery eyes is making it hard for me to see past sticking the needle in and guiding it to repair it.
Wait, I must stop, I can't do this,
My body is quivering,
I'm becoming so cold,
I'm frozen by the sight,
Do you think I sewed enough for it to beat again.
I just need to hear it beat again,
Hello, can you hear me?
Everyone is frozen around me,
They have nothing to say,
They see my heart is aching,
They have turned away,
Don't leave me, now, I need you,
Help me take this pain away,
For what am I to do,
If my hands shake when I begin to stitch,
My eyes water when I begin to guide,
My body quivers when I start to try.
Oh, God, why?
Bookmark by Matasha Lee
I’ve studied the road to success
And it has led me down some long, bumpy roads
Patches of Holes to fill,
Damaging my exterior as I travel.
I have felt the ripping of my pages,
And the indecisiveness of where to start next
Through it all, it has began to complete me,
Transform me, in a way,
My story is developing into art work
For others to read,
To discover a new and better paved path
From my damaged beginnings
I’m still traveling down the road,
Stopping by different dreams and goals as I travel through
Experiencing the same stormy turmoil as I attempt to conquer
Adding another Bookmark to my life,
What will happen next is just a matter of time.
Failed relationship after failed relationship,
Broken promises to my heart that I will never hurt it again,
He walks by and I melt,
Trapped in his web,
I sit and cry, trying to figure out why I just can’t let go.
Love is calling, should I answer or just turn away.
The phone is ringing,
My mind is saying I’ve had enough,
Yes, enough with the games,
Enough with the lies,
Enough with the long, sleepless nights,
Enough with the watching everyone else experience the one knee,
And hearing them say, I do,
Where is my happy ending?
A knock is at the door,
He stands before me and I stare.
He comes to me with open arms, but I just run away,
I thought I would be running alone, until I felt his hand catch my arm,
Why didn’t he just let me run away?
I pause in my tracks,
He pulls me closer, and whispers,
“I’ll never let you go.”
My body shivers as chills run down my spine.
He catches my tear before it falls,
And I turn around and smile,
He has connected my soul with his,
We must never be apart,
Our hearts are tied,
I live inside of him, and he dwells inside of me.
The Air I Breathe by Matasha Lee
They formed in my womb, separately,
Each bringing their own gift of love and nourishment to my soul.
They fulfill me.
They empower me.
I don’t know why when they are away I can’t sleep, don’t want to eat,
And my day is long without them.
I’ve grown as a woman with them.
They helped me each step of the way.
It’s funny to grow up with two more of you,
They see you more as a sister than a mom.
We make mistakes together, we get through rough times together.
They are all of me, and I, of them.
Thank you Lord for bringing them into my life,
For forming what I needed to continue to be a better me,
And placing them inside of me to feel human life.
I went through much pain to birth new existence into the world,
You entrusted me with their beings!
You gave me four foot prints to help create a destiny.
Thank you for the air I breathe,
Thank you for our lives,
Mommy loves you, Amelia and Sean,
Mommy loves you for life.
I am buried underground,
It is cold and dark down here, but this is where I sprout.
I am not afraid here.
I feel connected here.
I know dirt is thrown on me
And no one can see my beauty,
But where would I be without the nurture that comes from the soil of the earth
I may not be what people desire, but I am what people need to help them grow,
I am the reason why the surface is as beautiful as it seems.
I go through the ringer so that something else, more appealing, can sprout from me.
I don’t always like to be in the dark hidden away from the marvelous light, hoping to see what would grow from me, what will become of me,
But as long as my part is played I release the worry deep down, until it fades away, and go back to absorbing the showers of rain that is provided.
In the storm, I am covered, as long as I’m underground, I’m okay.
I remain connected to stay alive and help build this beautiful landscape God painted with his hands and birth the blood of Mother Nature and all her wonders.
I am a part of a grand plan, and the human body feeds off what is produced by me.
My roots may be dark,
But where would this earth and life itself be without it.
I am just as important as the life that travels to see the light above and as long as I exist,
We can continue to change the world and the beauty of it.
Beauty in Ashes by Matasha Lee
Thoughts a blazing
from the dark painted scars
Tears a flowing
While Beauty forms
from the ashes that are left
No need to wash away
what cannot be seen.
The manifestation of the unknown
Reveals the scars she carry
As she tries to understand
Her birthing place.
How did she get here?
When clearly the ashes isn't soil.
They have no richness to them
to bring about life.
So, how did she form?
How did she come out of darkness into the marvelous light?
With no sense of direction
She walks with the stains of the ashes
trampled under her feet.
Causing her never to flee.
But since she sees no darkness,
She never becomes afraid.
For she knows she cannot grow without the residue of the garden lingering upon her.
She doesn't wash her feet.
She keeps the stain
As a reminder
that her Beauty came from a strange place.
But it brought out so much joy,
which soon silence the pain.
Even though the stain lingers on.
She finds her resting place
in knowing that beauty does form from ashes.
The cheap, unwanted expense of nothing left
When nothings left.
A constant, continual reminder
of what now is gone
And only what can be created
from the darkness that no longer hides.