What are the effects of holding a grudge?
- Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
- Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
- Become depressed or anxious
- Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs
- Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others
I use to be a psychology major, and I believe it was in social psychology were I learned some of the risk to holding grudges, unforgiveness. I read that the person holding the grudge can physically cause more harm to their bodies than they will ever do to another because it causes health issues inside one's body. I know when I was so angry at my dad, but not just him, but babysitting anger like it was paying me, I was so sick, and it was one of the main reasons why I wanted to end arguing with my dad. I have acid reflux, but I have the disease called GERD, which causes a lot of pain, and I am not overweight, and when I first learned I had it, I was actually really skinny. Due to me, having so much pain inside, and the disease I could hardly get angry without it going bananas. I would have panic attacks on top it that caused the disease to be even worse, due to stress. I was often in the emergency room because it makes you feel like you are having a heartache and it attacks so much of your body. I hated crying or getting sad because I knew how much pain it would cause me. I needed to heal, and over time God gave me that opportunity. He really helped me heal to the point where I barely take any medication for GERD, and now, I know it isn't due to me being angry, but just a little side effects to what I eat, lol. But, I don't have panic attacks anymore, and when I cry it feels more like healing than hurt. I feel like I'm reaching towards joy. I really try to watch myself from getting disrupted in my peace.
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
- Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
- Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
- Actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you, when you're ready
- Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
Forgiveness is definitely a journey because healing has to be involved. Trust me, it is easy to say I forgive someone, but the process afterwards is what often keeps us playing the victim role instead of being a VICTOR. Elderly people use to say and still do, "Honey, you have to take it one day at a time," that statement is so true because it is a process, and eventually healing occurs. Eventually, the breakthrough comes and you become wiser in your doing. The end result is peace.
"What happens if I can't forgive someone?
- Consider the situation from the other person's point of view.
- Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
- Reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who've forgiven you.
- Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
- Be aware that forgiveness is a process and even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again"