Friday, April 10, 2015

What is Unforgiveness doing to us? (Article from Mayo Clinic)

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you're unforgiving, you might:
  • Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
  • Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
  • Become depressed or anxious
  • Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs
  • Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others

I use to be a psychology major, and I believe it was in social psychology were I learned some of the risk to holding grudges, unforgiveness. I read that the person holding the grudge can physically cause more harm to their bodies than they will ever do to another because it causes health issues inside one's body. I know when I was so angry at my dad, but not just him, but babysitting anger like it was paying me, I was so sick, and it was one of the main reasons why I wanted to end arguing with my dad. I have acid reflux, but I have the disease called GERD, which causes a lot of pain, and I am not overweight, and when I first learned I had it, I was actually really skinny. Due to me, having so much pain inside, and the disease I could hardly get angry without it going bananas. I would have panic attacks on top it that caused the disease to be even worse, due to stress. I was often in the emergency room because it makes you feel like you are having a heartache and it attacks so much of your body. I hated crying or getting sad because I knew how much pain it would cause me. I needed to heal, and over time God gave me that opportunity. He really helped me heal to the point where I barely take any medication for GERD, and now, I know it isn't due to me being angry, but just a little side effects to what I eat, lol. But, I don't have panic attacks anymore, and when I cry it feels more like healing than hurt. I feel like I'm reaching towards joy. I really try to watch myself from getting disrupted in my peace. 

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:
  • Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
  • Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
  • Actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you, when you're ready
  • Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding."

Forgiveness is definitely a journey because healing has to be involved. Trust me, it is easy to say I forgive someone, but the process afterwards is what often keeps us playing the victim role instead of being a VICTOR. Elderly people use to say and still do, "Honey, you have to take it one day at a time," that statement is so true because it is a process, and eventually healing occurs. Eventually, the breakthrough comes and you become wiser in your doing. The end result is peace.

"What happens if I can't forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who's hurt you doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of his or her sorrow. If you find yourself stuck:
  • Consider the situation from the other person's point of view.
  • Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
  • Reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who've forgiven you.
  • Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
  • Be aware that forgiveness is a process and even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again"

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