A different introduction for a different day. I am a writer. I am an inspiring to be published soon. I have been writing for over ten years and just desire to be heard now. I have written poetry, analogies, books, song lyrics, and more. I started writing at an early age due to the fact that I didn’t really have an outlet to help me channel what was going on around me. I had so much chaos on the inside and out, and that came off as lacking discipline, but I lacked love. Writing helped me scream. I needed to scream without being looked at as an emotional person. I needed to be heard. Once, I started writing things changed but overtime I noticed that my problems were also someone else’s problems, so much so, that I couldn’t avoid not seeing myself or what I had been through in others. I saw them, but I didn’t give them anything to see me. I tried, vocally, expressing myself and story to let people know where I had come from, but it didn’t work out. It wasn’t received very well. I knew that I needed to get to a point of being published so I could be heard, so now that is what I am doing. I desire my words to change things. I want to give back to the world what helped me get through some dark and light moments in my life. I am here to share me, unafraid.
I am also a mom of two. I have a son named Sean and a daughter named, Amelia. They are why I continue to keep going because they need to look up to me and say, "Mommy, I'm proud of you. You never gave up and for that, I won’t give up either." In the process of our journey together, they have both announced that they love their mommy for who she is, and I appreciate that. They make sure that the world knows but above all I know that they love their mommy. They say, “I love you, and I say I love you more, and we keep going.” They also teach me not to be afraid of what others may think of me or for what we may not have. I try to give them what they need and push for what they want. They aren’t kids to complain about what they don’t have, but they do see what we lack. They try to find the joy in each day, anyhow.
I also above all, love God, and still grow to understand the connection we have and what it is that He wants from me (not saying God is a he but I'm just communicating my way of speaking about Him). I haven’t always loved or embraced life. God has taught me how to live here on earth and not desire to leave. He helps me see the beauty inside of me as well as in others. I don’t know where I would be without Him. I try to learn how to love like He loves, unconditionally for all. I want to understand instead of judging.
I love my family and friends and is truly learning the meaning of who they really are. I am a sister and a sister and law. I have two brothers, one older and one younger. I am the middle child. I have three nephews, but two that I often get to see. I am a daughter and fortunate to have my mother and father still alive. I have grown to have a better relationship with my dad. I think one day we will actually do things together. My mom and I are somewhat friends, but I respect our distance away from one another. I think it helps us love each other better. I am a best friend. I have a beautiful friend name Sasha. We have been through a lot together and she is like half of me and truly God sent. She is a beautiful woman that everyone should know in their lifetime. She extends herself to others even when she can be hurt behind it. She sees the good in others sometimes better than I can, sometimes, lol.
Life is beautiful and I'm glad to be discovering that each and every day despite whatever I go through. I have no box that I can fit in as much as I love writing I love fashion and music as well. I have fed from those plates as far as I can remember and wish to see myself in the near future grow in all areas of it. My passion for music started at an early age. Yes, I can sing, and I am really good at it, but just like writing or any of my gifts I didn’t really wish to share them with the world. For the most part, I didn’t want to be judged or picked apart. I wanted to keep them safe with me because I love my voice, writings, and talents. I love everything about me, but when I have tried to share me, I didn’t shine like I did when I’m away from people. I faded into the background. My voice would be shaken up when I sung causing me to be humiliated and shamed. I just decided it would be better if I didn’t showcase who I am. I can just live off my intelligence alone, until life said no. I listen to all types of music and genres: from soulful R&B to electronic dance music. I love to go dancing with my bestie. It just helps me escape and it’s fun. When I’m not dancing out somewhere, I’m at home dancing by myself or with my babies. We love to dance and sing. It is like watching a daily musical. We sing and dance about everything and they love music and creativity just as much as I do. My passion for fashion started at an early age too. I didn’t start really sketching until around August 2011. My early days of fashion consisted of modeling. I desired to be a model so bad. I still desire to be one, one day, but the drive just isn’t there anymore. I haven’t given up, but I don’t pursue it like I use too. As I got older, I wanted to be a stylist and designer. I sketched my own jacket line and sketched out a boutique. I still hope to see all of my fashion dreams to manifest, but as of now, I’m just focusing on writing. Hopefully, all my other desires are down the road.
I have accomplished a lot, like getting my first degree but there is so much more inside of me that must come out. School was awesome while it lasted and I do see myself in the future going back to school. I don’t want to leave this earth without doing all I desired to do, no matter the age. I use to hear, growing up in southern Baptist churches that Jesus was coming back and one day he would crack the sky. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t ever get to my dreams, and now, I can say that fear has left me. I don’t focus on if the world may be destroyed because I believe in my dreams and goals and really desire to see them manifest. Some of my dreams and goals are to finish 2015 with at least three books published. I have already submitted one for publishing. We will hear something by April, hopefully. I will keep this blog updated on that action, but if it doesn't happen then, I will go back to the drawing board, and push harder with better understanding, so it is a win, win either way, but I do desire to be published before the wedding season starts because the book is called, “The Bride.”